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This week went by pretty quickly, since we didn't have school on Monday. But it was a pretty bad week for all of us. Sarah and Josh broke up on Sunday night, so for Sarah it was greatly warranted. But I must say, Sarah is one of the strongest people I know. She has handled a lot of crap and with a good face. I just wish there was more I could do for her. But due to my lack of social skills and life experience, I'm just not good at helping people with their problems.
Marley has been having some boy issues, too, and dealing with a bout of depression and low self-esteem. I feel bad because I didn't even notice the night she was up because she was too upset to sleep. I must be a heavier sleeper than I thought. :/
As for me, I'm always dealing with depression and low self-esteem, but I'd been handling it pretty well lately. Until yesterday, when something just snapped. I don't even know why. Marley and I were just at a Relief Society activity. As usual, the fact that I have no friends was accentuated and so I sat with a couple of girls I kind of knew but wasn't really friends with. One of them was my visiting teacher. Marley left early to go take a test. It was kind of quiet between me and the other girls, but I wasn't feeling too bad because I was doing service. But then my visiting teacher asked me what my name was. Right after she let it out, though, you could tell by her face that she felt bad for asking because she knew she should recognize me. I reminded her of my name and she apologized, and you could tell that she felt bad, and I felt bad, too. Luckily, breakfast was ready soon after that. I ate at a corner of a table by myself (because the girls I sat next to were too intent in their own conversation to notice me and all the other empty chairs had jackets or purses on them) and all of the stupid, depressing thoughts and emotions that cloud my life swept in at once. I ate quickly and then rushed to the bathroom so no one would see me crying. And then I called Mom and proceeded to bawl in her ear (while walking around the block in the cold wind because I didn't want Sarah back at home to hear me crying either) and tell her about how I'd been feeling. I'm lucky to have such a great mom that I can call whenever I need to. If I didn't have my family, I wouldn't have anything.
But other than that minor breakdown yesterday, this week wasn't too bad.
Monday- I hiked the Y (for the first time!) with Sariah and Jamie, two girls in my building. It was a lot steeper than I thought, but it was good exercise. And there was snow everywhere, so when we got there, it was hard to make out the Y, but at least I can still say that I did it! The rest of the day was whatever until Sarah kinda sorta yelled at me that night. It was the first time we'd ever really fought about anything. I don't like confrontation, so I tried to be calm and stuff, but really for the most part I just didn't know what to say. Like I said, I'm a social disaster. But luckily, when things took a turn to the more serious, Marley came out and helped with the discussion. She's a lot better at the talking thing than I am.
Tuesday- We had Monday classes. Nothing eventful happened that I can remember.
Wednesday- I didn't work out after classes and I ate a lot of junk food... oops.
Thursday- Was super long because I hadn't been to my long classes for a week. But I don't think anything eventful happened that day, either.
Friday- While I was working out, I saw Danny at the gym. There I am, minding my own business, do dah do, and I look up and he's sitting at a machine facing me with a smile on his face, half laughing at the coincidence. It was the first time we'd seen each other in almost two weeks. And we haven't talked much, either. We had a couple of conversations over Facebook, talked about setting up a regular lunch time with each other but not actually doing it. We wave to each other and he finishes his workout routine. Then he walks over and asks when I'll be done. I tell him I just started, I've still got 40 more minutes to go. He says, oh, that's a long time. Well, some friends and I are going to play ultimate frisbee down by Wyview. Wanna come? And I say Sure, but I'm no good. And he says That's fine, most of the guys aren't any good either. So I'll call you with the time okay? And I say Sounds good and he leaves. And he never calls. Mom says I shouldn't give him the time of day, that the "relationship" was over before it started. But I tell her that his is the only attention I get from boys. She assures me that it's not worth it to spend the effort on someone who doesn't spend any effort on me and who doesn't deserve me. She says not to text him back or answer his calls and if we meet face to face to be cool about it. I'm just not used to treating people like that. I guess I let people walk all over me. But I'll try.
But anyways, Friday continued- We'd decided on Monday that we'd all go to Spark together on Friday night. So I got all dolled up and we left the apartment at 6:15ish. When we got to Spark it was pretty barren and we thought it'd be lame to go inside, so we decided we'd find something else to do. So we followed a van for a while (because it had a banner that said "The Party Just passed U," only they led us into a creepy neighborhood, so we stopped) and then went to In-and-Out. I got a whole combo- burger, fries, shake- because I'm a fatty and my roommates just got burgers and water, but whatever. I'd been fantasizing about fries for weeks and it was great to finally get them. Then some old dude came over and started talking to us about his company for a while, interjecting how he'd met a few famous people, and assuring us he wasn't just some 38 year old creeper who was hitting on 16 year olds. 16?! We are not 16, thank you very much. We are college-aged and proud! Well, that night was kind of a bust. Marley even said that after they went back to Spark while I was at work it wasn't great and I didn't miss anything. At work that night, I really only worked for like an hour and a half. We got all of the regular cleaning done, but then Taylor showed up at like 10 and talked to us for an hour about his other job and then took me to do inventory (during which I just stood there while he checked chemicals) and then it was time to go. It was great, and I totally think it made up for getting that stupid ticket last week.
Saturday- The Relief Society activity. Call with Mom. Listen to Madame Bovary for a few hours in my bed. Went to get frozen yogurt with Marley and Karen (who I need to be nicer to. Karen is always so sweet to me, and I don't reciprocate it well). Stake Conference adult meeting (alone). When I got home, the apartment was empty, so I texted and called a couple of people. I thought about going to the Winter Waltz, but I didn't want to go alone. (It turns out that Marley went with Karen and her roommate and they had a grand old time.) It was only 9ish by then, but I knew I wasn't going to end up going anywhere, so I took a shower. Not long after, Sarah came home with a couple of her friends and we all watched a movie together. For some reason I was feeling pretty talkative, so I actually had a good time drinking hot chocolate, eating brownies, and just chillin with everyone. I went to bed pretty content.
Now it's morning and I have to clean up the apartment so some people can come over and let me record them talking to my roommates for a class assignment.
PS I apologize if I offended anyone in my previous post (or any other post for that matter). Sometimes I can be a little too blunt in my writing.