This Might Turn Out to Be a Long Depressing Post

Okay, so, pretty much I can't remember very many things that happened two weeks ago, but I do remember that I was in a pretty decent mood, despite the many ups and downs.
I don't really remember Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday (although my roommates did go to church with me on Sunday, so I finally didn't go to church alone) but Wednesday was good. I was in my first class and we were practicing interviews. The girl I got paired up with has basically the same life/school goals as me only she has more experience (being a Junior) and so she let me in on some secrets about the kind of publishing opportunities we have on campus. And she told me about a real live editor and author who were coming to speak to a class and invited me to it. I went and it was very helpful and I learned a lot and got motivated to write more. She also told me that there was going to be a writing convention at UVU on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and being the nerd I am, I was soooooo excited and immediately texted my roommate pleading with her to come with me.
But then crap started.
First to hit was car trouble. I had two midterms on Thursday and since I'd spent an extra few hours at the class where the editor spoke and I didn't have any free time at work, I didn't get to study for either of them. I figured being tired wouldn't help my chances on the test, either, so I woke up at my normal time, but got ready as quickly as I could and drove to school so I could have time to study. I had to park at the Marriott Center since my first class was at 9:30, but I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. So I ended up with a half hour to study for my first test. I took it, aced it, and got to leave class early, at which time I studied for my next test. I took that test, too, almost tipped my desk over because I was soo into writing one of the essays, aced it (I think. I haven't actually got the grade for that one yet. But I felt confident about it.), and went to my next class where we went over the assignment for the whole hour and twenty minutes. It was great. I had been worried about the day, but then it actually seemed to be turning out okay. I swear there was even a little bounce in my step as I walked out to my car. I knew exactly how the rest of the day was going to go. I was going to go home and eat a delicious toasted tuna and cheese sandwich with cheddar and sour cream chips stuffed inside while relaxing on the couch until it was time to go to the writing convention. But as I was walking to my car, I could swear I saw a paper on it. A ticket? You've GOT to be kidding me. There is no reason I should be getting a ticket. I was parked in a Y lot. I checked, like, three times before parking to make sure where I was parking was part of the Y lot and not the A lot. I started hyperventilating. Maybe I was just imagining it? I kept walking. Nope. I didn't imagine it. I got to my car and took the paper off to inspect it. It said my car was impounded and had been immobilized. Immobilized? I saw a paper in the window in the door, too. It warned me that there was a boot on my car and that it would do major damage if i tried to drive with it on. There was a number to call, so I called, hoping someone would come out to solve the problem instead of me having to walk all the way back to the JKB. But they told me I had to come to the office. So I made the long journey back, but luckily I met Sarah on the way so she came with me.
For some odd reason, Sarah thought it was cool that I had a boot on my car, and said so loudly while we were in the parking office. When I told her it was not, a boy behind us in line snickered. Then the lady took my ID and told me to come around back. The lady back there asked if I knew why I had gotten booted. I told her no and she said I'd gotten a citation the week before. and they had to boot me because my car wasn't registered with BYU. Really? That was the FIRST thing I did after I got an account on Route Y. I was so excited to have my own car at school. I can still remember getting to the part where you have to enter in your license plate number and I ran outside to see what it was because I had no idea what it was. (I know what it is now, but that's only because I've seen it in a lot of places now...) She said maybe the registration just didn't go all the way through to the system. Did I know about the citation? No. There had never been a ticket placed on my car. I even went out and checked the night those cops were going ticket crazy because there was a basketball game. She said I got it for parking in a service lot in Helaman. I explained to her that that was the Miller Park parking lot, where I work, and that my boss told me it was okay to park there. She said if she were me, she'd be chewing my boss out. $20 for the boot and $50 for the ticket.
I texted Taylor (my boss) to tell him what had happened. He called his boss, and his boss called the parking office to complain. But it didn't help, so that night at work, Taylor told me to go and appeal it asap. I went the next morning, and the guy who runs the appeals office was super nice. I had to fill out my statement online, and then he read it and talked to me. He said he appreciated what Taylor said (he told me to explain that even the coaches and players park there and they'd never had a problem with it before), but he has no legal authority to tell me to break the law. It's like a plumber telling him he doesn't have to stop at stop signs. But he was going to void it anyway because they voided all the other tickets from that night and he wanted to be fair. Whew. Needless to say, I don't park in that parking lot anymore.
Despite the hold-up, Sarah and I still ended up going to the writing convention. It took us forever to find our way around campus and I embarrassed myself quite a few times trying to jump up and touch things that normal people would have been able to touch without even going on tip toe, but whatever. We missed most of the "Writing Humor" lecture, which was sad, but we went to the panel where authors talked about writing evil/villains into stories. James Dashner (the guy who wrote the Mazerunner series) was there. And he was funny and amazing and I decided I really like him. And it was a very interesting panel. Then we went to a Harry Potter lecture where we were bored out of our minds and learned nothing new, but couldn't leave because there were only like ten other people in the room and we thought it would be rude, especially since the lady who was giving it was losing her voice. We got lost coming home (super embarrassing!) and it took twice as long as it should have. The next day we only went to the lecture called "The Secret Mind of the Serial Killer." I took notes. It probably looked like I was trying to glean information on how to make my killings better, but that's better than the little kid who was half falling asleep and kept waking up to try to interrupt the speakers, thinking he actually knew what he was talking about. We didn't go to the convention on Saturday because none of the classes looked interesting except the early ones.
Also on Thursday, I got what looked like a random message from some random chick on Facebook. But it turns out it was Cody, who I hadn't spoken to in months, and he was just letting me know that he'd decided that he is going to serve a mission. It was great news, until we started texting and it seemed to me that he hadn't really changed at all. So, we still aren't talking. But if he feels like he's ready and worthy to serve a mission, more power to him, right?
Saturday night I had another date with Danny. We watched I am Legend and Serenity as his apartment. Serenity is a sci-fi movie based off of a tv show that got cancelled. The guy who plays Castle was the main guy, and it was difficult for me to think of him as Mao instead of Castle. But it was an intense movie. Danny's roommate awkwardly did homework at the table the whole time, and afterwards Danny complained about him because he didn't leave us alone on our date. But it was whatever to me.
On Monday, after working out, I had a lot of stuff to do. We had a cleaning check on Tuesday and I knew I wouldn't have enough time to do all my cleaning after school. So after working out, I immediately came home and started cleaning. After I'd got a large chunk of the kitchen done, I decided to start my Valentines. I was going to give one to each of my roommates, each of the girls I visit teach, my vt companion, and Danny. I was going to put my name on them, too. But I didn't. My plan was to make delicious red velvet cupcakes to put into the red disposable bowls I bought and fill the empty space with some kind of candy. Well, the cupcakes didn't turn out as red as they should have and they collapsed. So they were, in a word, hideous. And the first batch didn't even come out because the tops fell off. So I ate the tops (delicious!) and used the bottoms to make cake balls out of. Only, once it was mixed with the frosting, it looked like uncooked ground beef, and I didn't have enough white chocolate to cover the whole of the balls, so the ground beef inside was showing and it was disgusting. It made me wonder, though, if there are some secret admirers who become that way by accident. Like they fully intend to put their name on the Valentine because they are going to do something great, but then it turns out horrible so they don't? You never know, it could happen.
So after I made the ugly Valentines, I finished cleaning with just enough time to make it to Home Evening on time. We were throwing a surprise birthday party for Bishop. I was going to stay for 20 minutes and then come home to do my homework before work. But Bishop showed up an hour late, so I didn't have any time to do my homework. I went to work, dropped the Valentines off secretly before coming home, did a little homework, and then zonked out.
The next morning I had to point out to my roommates that they had Valentine's waiting for them outside. I was going to leave them on the table, but decided it'd be more fun to put them outside. I didn't know they had planned on staying inside. I got two Valentines on Valentine's Day- one from the Relief Society and one from some other random person who gave everyone in the ward one. Nothing from my roommates. Danny texted and said he'd be over a half hour before I went to work, but he didn't show up. We passed our cleaning check and then I went to work. An hour into it, Danny texted saying he was sorry he was late and he left my present on the table. It was Lindt chocolate. Which was really nice, but he didn't even leave a note or put my name on it or anything. But you know, it was just Valentine's Day, which everyone says is like the stupidest holiday ever. Why should it be any different from any of the others? Even if I have a boyfriend now?
On the upside, when I walked in the door, Josh started singing Happy Birthday to me. It was a great start to my birthday, especially since he proceeded to make me some chocolate fondu right afterward. I thought it was going to be a great indication of how my birthday this year would go. I was wrong.
The next morning when Marley and I got ready together, she didn't say one word about my birthday. I figured she must have forgotten, but how are you supposed to tell someone that? "Hey, it's my birthday. Did you forget? Happy Birthday to Me!" No! So, I just let it pass, figuring she would remember sometime during the day. That morning, each member of my immediate family called me, and most of them sang, and I was really happy and felt really loved. Like, seriously. I LOVE my family. I have the BEST family on earth. I kind of treated the day like any other, worked out, and came home to eat lunch. But I decided that since it was my birthday, I would eat whatever I wanted. So I made some fried chicken and fries and ate them with fry sauce and it was delicious. I watched Abduction (with Taylor Lautner in it- Thanks Mom! She sent me the best Valentine's/birthday package ever, with two movies, candy, Zebra Cakes, candles, and decorations [the latter two were never used and are still sitting sadly on my desk]) and enjoyed myself for a little while before showering and making myself pretty. I did my hair and makeup carefully and picked a cute outfit, because I was sure that my roommates and I were going to do SOMETHING when they came home. Then I went on the couch to do my homework and wait. Marley finally came home around 3:30, but it was only to grab a few things so she could go to the temple with Karen. She invited me along, and I would have gone, but I somehow lost my temple recommend and so now I need to go get a new one. She came back at around a quarter to five, took a quick shower, asked if she could borrow one of my movies and then left again, I assume to go hang out with Karen.
At this point, I was feeling like a loser. I mean, recently Marley had been spending a lot of time with Karen anyway, which kind of made me jealous. I haven't made any real friends in my classes, so I don't have anyone who I can just go hang out at their apartment when I want to. And I feel like Marley and I aren't even really friends. And Sarah's always gone or has Josh over. How am I ever supposed to make friends if the people I live with won't even be friends with me? I mean, come on! We spend so much time together, but I am SUCH a BORING, STUPID LOSER that I can't even get my roommates to be my best friends.
So, knowing that I wasn't going to be getting any attention from them, I turned to my boyfriend, as he'd said that Tuesday and Thursday would be busy but he should be freeish any other day of the week. But he told me he was busy again and wouldn't be able to see me. And added a "Happy Birthday" as a by-the-way statement. That's when I started getting teary-eyed. I started to look forward to work, knowing at least Jason knew it was my birthday. But even the ward didn't seem to care that it was my birthday. Marley's was only last month, but she got a plate of goodies, a candy bar, and at least three notes from different people in the ward. I didn't get anything, except one of my visiting teachers texted me "happy birthday." As I thought about how depressing this situation was, I started to tear up again, but I forced myself to stop because there was no way I was going to be crying whenever Sarah finally showed up.
I forced myself to finish my homework and Sarah finally got home at, like, 7 at night. She and Josh gave me presents, which really was the best I could have expected from Sarah, and all I should have anyway, because that's all I did on her birthday, too, was give her a present. We'd talked about maybe going to a movie or the nickel arcade or something to celebrate my birthday, but Marley decided she'd rather see The Vow with Karen than with her roommates even though she planned it with us first and Sarah's not much of a planner. I know that if I wanted something to happen for my birthday I should have planned something myself, but how lame is that?
Anyway, Sarah and Josh hung around for about a half an hour and then left because Josh was going to open his mission call. They swore they would text me where he was going as soon as he opened it. They didn't. I had to find out over Facebook.
Anyway, I got to work and held back the tears just fine, accepting Jason's "Happy Birthday" and avoiding the details of my birthday, hurrying off to my side of the building as quickly as I could. As soon as I was alone, I curled up in a shower stall and cried. I let it all out. But it wasn't so much sadness for a lame birthday, it was a sadness that the lame day was a reflection of my lame life. There have been many nights when I cried myself to sleep because I'd been rejected, forgotten, ignored, stood up. Like my 16th birthday, which should be your greatest birthday ever. I was under the impression that a few friends were going to throw a surprise party for me. It didn't happen. I spent the day with my family. Which was 10x better than this birthday. I just have never really had any friends. Danny says he doesn't regret not having many friends/not being so social. But he DID have friends. He was in with the Mormon crowd, which is all I ever wanted in high school. They seemed like they had it all- friends who actually cared about each other and hung out outside of school all the time, boys who actually asked girls out on dates, a support for when you are having bad days. He had a girl who he loved and who loved him back. He went to dances, and went on dates, and got invited to things. I didn't. Even by the people who I considered best friends. And so I cried and cried, thinking about how much I truly hate my life and how sad it had been that just a week earlier I'd been happy, or at least content. I cried for about a half hour, but then composed myself because I knew I had to start cleaning at some point. But then Grandma called to say happy birthday, and I couldn't hold the tears back as a fresh wave hit me. She was really nice and good about it, but I felt horrible for crying all during our phone call. Throughout the rest of the night I would have tears randomly fall, but I tried my best to just pay attention to my music and my work and not think about anything else.
When I came home that night I found out that Sarah had thrown my razor away during the cleaning check. It had broken in half during my trip back over break, but I was still using it because a short razor was lots better than just using a razor head. I was nice and calm about it, even though it meant that I would have to use the bare razor head for a while. But it made me realize how I need to be nicer to and more patient with my family. If it had been Crystal who threw it away, I would have yelled at her. Living with roommates really is helping shape me into a better person, one easier to live with who has control of her emotions. Except for on her birthday I suppose.
The next day was a bit better. I was in a sour mood all morning, but I decided that if no one was going to treat me right, I might as well treat myself to something. During school, I (along with about 500 others) hugged the library and got a free t-shirt for it. That was pretty cool. And then right after school, I hurried home, grabbed my car, and rushed to Panda so I could eat something delicious that I'd been craving forever. After I ate (and felt a little bit like a loser for eating alone), I went to the theater at the mall and watched The Woman in Black. I enjoyed it immensely (although once again I felt like a loser for being alone) and was finally in a good mood again. Then I went to the store and bought a new razor and came home quite chipper, which I think was good for my roommates. And before I went to work, I found that Marley had taped a Happy Birthday note to my white board, saying how I was loved and she hopes I had had a good birthday. Yeah well. Good thing you left for Vegas, otherwise you might have felt a little awkward a little while longer for forgetting.
My only Friday class got cancelled, so I had an extra extra long weekend. Except for that I still had work. I went to go help clean the SAB because Miller Park was almost spotless when I showed up. It wasn't too hard of work and I got free hot chocolate because Legends Grill was part of what Taylor is in charge of cleaning. (BTW, Taylor told us last Thursday that it was his last day and we all freaked out thinking his last day ever, but he really just meant the last day at Smith Fieldhouse because he got transferred to the SAB. But Jason and I stayed the same with Miller Park.) BUT, on my way home I was pulled over and got a stupid ticket (my first one ever) because I didn't fully stop at the stop sign by the SAB on the way home. It was freaking midnight and there were NO CARS around. I was upset. And this week sucked. This post doesn't even really begin to show how truly crappy I felt inside all week long.