Wow, it's been a while since I've written. I told myself that eventually I would get the rest of the Europe trip on the blog, but the truth is I haven't even finished writing about it in my personal journals. Most of the trip is just bullet points now, and I probably won't even remember what they mean by the time I get around to them. Maybe I would do better if I was witty or profound like my friends on their blogs... Nah, probably not. I can't ever seem to finish what I start.
Speaking of that, how are everyone's new year's resolutions going? What's that? You already gave up? Me too. I haven't exercised in WEEKS. I tell myself it's because of my cold, but let's be real here.... I've turned into a bum. No seriously, my butt has grown so huge that's all you can see when you look at me.
But oh whale! I'll get around to it eventually. Probably. For the time being, I have other resolutions to work on.
Like for instance, doing a better job with my relationships. You know, the other day, a friend of mine said that you know what a person is like after their first semester of college--after that they don't really change because they know who they are. I don't really agree with that. I am a much different person now than I was after my first semester of college. I used to think I was really great and I didn't understand why I had such a hard time getting other people to see my greatness. I hated myself. And my social skills were lacking. I was afraid to talk to people. Even if it was just ordering food at a restaurant. I hated it. I was so self-conscious. Well, I'm happy to report that that doesn't scare me anymore. And I don't hate myself anymore. But I don't think of myself as highly, either. I know I have a lot of things to work on, and I don't really like where I'm at right now. That's what resolutions are for.
But I have come a long way. I don't care as much what people think of me and I try not to let other people's opinions shape the way I live my life. Unless, of course, after considering their opinion I find some truth in it and adapt it to fit into my own opinion of life. There are so many new things I have considered that I believe both a lot of new things and a lot of the old things, just in different ways. And I understand a lot more. I even cry during movies. I can remember a few times as a kid forcing myself to cry during an emotional part in a movie. I just didn't get emotional, and I felt like that made me a bad person. I think the truth was that I was too focused on myself. I could cry over my own pathetic issues no problem, but I hadn't really developed proper empathy or sympathy. But now that I've seen more things--love, loss, the daily happenings of life--and considered other people's situations more, I cry during the movies all the time. Which is great, in a weird way.
If there is anything I've learned in this past year, it's that I need to slow down and enjoy life. I tried too hard to get through life too fast, to prove to myself that I was that awesome person I thought I was. I used to think that I could control my own life, that if I worked hard enough I could get anything I wanted. But I've learned that's not necessarily true. Yes, hard work is good, but sometimes you just won't get the things you want no matter how much you want them. And sometimes you don't even want the things you thought you wanted. You have to take things one day at a time, roll with the punches. You can't forget about the future, but you can't act like it's set in stone, either. We can't focus too much on the unimportant things in life. Like a job. Yeah, we have to work to survive, and we'll be spending a lot of our life working, so we should enjoy it, but that's nowhere near as important as the time you will spend with people. Most of all, you need to enjoy the people who are in your life. You never know when something is going to happen and you'll never see a loved one again. And even if I won't see them again, I plan on keeping in touch with a few special people in my life. Because that really is what life is about--learning to live with, serve, and love other people.
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